Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Modest Expectations

What does one really expect from an experimental treatment that may save their life? How many people understand the significance of a diagnosis that will control their quality of life.
I envy the gentle soul who can take life as it comes.You aren't likely to think they have many trials or problems because they smile all the time. They encourage others, and aren't easily offended. They don't make lemonade out of lemons, they whip up a mouth watering lemon meringue pie and share it with friends and strangers alike.Commonly called a 'B' personality, they take it all in and make adjustments as necessary. I know a woman named Gracie. Her parents must have known her personality from the start, or perhaps Gracie is her user name. In any case even with MS and an extremely difficult life, her attitude is infectious. It doesn't matter the topic of conversation, she brings hope and beauty in everything she says.

Then there are the 'A' personalities like me who walk if they can run, and wear other's out by watching them. My foot was always out the door before the car came to a stop. I  volunteered  to chair a committee, delegate responsibility and make everything by hand, on my own.What I found exhilarating, others found exhausting.

There are not any "good" candidates for Multiple Sclerosis, but we 'A' sufferers make particularly frustrated and annoyed  patients. We are the ones who deny the diagnosis the longest, fight the hardest for treatment and the ones doctors like least. We are also most likely to commit suicide. Unable to adapt to the devastating effects that flow in and out like the ocean tide, we cannot cope with what lies ahead.Depression hits hard and quickly.

 I alternately turned from avid researcher to despondent recluse as time and MS marched on. It began to destroy me piece by piece. Of course I would be among the first to seek out the simple yet remarkable procedure that might allow me to reclaim the fearless crusader  I was deep inside. The desire to learn and discover has driven me to motivate and share every rock I overturn.

My expectations were quite limited. I wanted to walk a little better, regain more of my vision, and not be exhausted all the time. I didn't want to bow out of football games, concerts, and the everyday activities of my children and grandchildren. Anything else was just icing on the cake. Right now I feel as though I got the cake the icing, and the cherries on top to boot.
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