Thursday, June 17, 2010

Learning to Live Without Fear

  I am beginning to remember what it was like to embrace life and not be afraid all the time. I suppose anyone with mobility issues feels vulnerable to the hazards of getting around without assistance.I was a person accustomed to managing a large family, taking charge and delegating tasks and responsibilities.Not having the where with all to accomplish small tasks were more than annoying to me. They were frustrating and demeaning.

  One of the more notable findings in my recovery from MS is the speed at which symptoms begin to fade. I am finding that I had symptoms related to MS I wasn’t aware of until they begin to diminish. The sense of smell and taste I have referred to often. I know how severe swallowing problems can be. I needed stim and speech therapy in order to be understood when I stuttered and hesitated while searching  for the right words.. Getting the right words from my brain to mouth was especially challenging. The ability to swallow without choking is critical. Some of the exercises I dreaded but dealt with were repetitive and boring. The other option was choking to death when nobody was around to “Heimlich” me.

  My husband and one of my daughters went through E.M.T. training. Another daughter is a nurse. Because they had a life and I didn’t, there were other things to do, places to go and people to see besides me. Spending eight hours alone was scary while Rick was at work. I was on my own, and I hate to admit it, but sometimes terrified. If the house caught on fire, I doubt that Tilley could drag me out the front door. She more than likely would have headed for her doggie door and then I would really have been cooked.

  These are some of the things I ponder in my mind now. I do what I have to do in order to survive, like anybody else. To be able to stay home alone without fear is still new to me. I intend to enjoy life with a little less fear from now on. I don’t feel like I am on the inside looking out anymore. I have a level playing field and I am liking it very much.

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