Thursday, June 10, 2010

High Heels?

June 10, 2010

Today is the one week anniversary of my liberation from Multiple Sclerosis. I wake up each day wondering if I will roll out of bed or have to use the support rod that hangs above my head and has for three years. It's early for me, at 7:30 am. There has been little need to get up early because each day will be much like the day before. Climbing into my wheelchair or stumbling along to the bathroom with my walker, I would dress for the day. I usually didn't go anywhere other than Dr.appointments or a weekly trip to Wal-mart.

This day is different because I am going to go shopping with Rick and Sierra and Ty. I won't need my scooter, so I am going to teach Sierra how to use it. On the same day I had my surgery done, Sierra was in a different hospital having hers. She was born with Multiple epiphyseal displacia. She is one of the youngest patients to show this devastating disorder to the degree that has caused her to have eight surgeries. She suffers so much. This last surgery was to have her left knee totally reconstructed. Two months earlier she had a metal rod screwed to her spine from just below her neck to her waist. She is 12 years old and stands four feet tall, the tallest she will ever be.

Rick and I went shopping with the kids because my daughter and her husband had to work. Sierra needs help until her cast comes off. This was the perfect time to take my scooter and let her be the one to ride while I walked next to her to explain the ins and outs of this little machine that has been my freedom for several years.

We decide that I needed new shoes. I actually can walk rather than shuffle so, for the first time in ages, I was excited about making choices. That is something I have been unable to do for a very long time. I could never pick out a dress, movie, place to eat, or what book to read. The cobwebs in my brain tortured me everyday. Today I found a pair in minutes instead of hours. I tried on a pair of high heels. I loved stiletto heels with a passion. I had to give them all away long ago.
I used to sew, and decorate cakes. I designed and made most of my children's clothes as they grew up. I made my own clothes, Rick's and many outfits for my grandchildren.

The sewing machine, serger, and hundreds of dollars worth of fabric and supplies were given to Sierra's mother last winter. I could no longer sew. My thirty year collection of cake making supplies were given to another daughter two years before that. I could not even make children's cakes anymore, let alone the elegant wedding cakes from a decade ago.

Now the world is rightside up again. After 15 years, I am making choices, recognizing the fragrance of cinnamon and ginger. I can taste Rick's cooking now, and it's not half bad after all. Who knew? I did teach him how to cook, after all. How I miss cooking and baking! I used to bake my own bread once a week. No matter how many loaves were made, we were always one loaf short.

Now I am looking at a new pair of high heels and toting home a bag of flour and yeast. It's a been a good day.I know I will go to bed wondering if I will roll out, or reach for the old support bar. perhaps one day soon, I can have Rick take it down for good.

Tomorrow I want to write about the last few weeks before I got a second chance to live my own life, my own way, on my own two feet.

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